A baby

This year has gone a lot differently than I was planning. In March I started feeling feelings I didn't think I ever would again. The yuck, low energy, nauseas of pregnancy seemed to be returning coupled with fear of public perception. I didn't really think this was possible, but a pregnancy test confirmed the intuition. The ensuing three months were the usual miserable. While dealing with feeling very much too old to be doing this, I had my birthday which didn't help matters. And in fact, I stayed pregnant. I went to all the Graduation festivities and end of year contest with Mark. Greg encouraging and putting up with my less than normal abilities through each event. He really is so good to me. 

The first ultrasound showed the baby without a placenta yet, they have an egg sac? I did not know that. The real deal ultrasound showed this very real, very healthy baby. Honestly, while I could see my ever growing belly I didn't feel much at this point and was just hoping all was well and it was just one. It is indeed just one and all is well. 

 The last picture is a 3-D image. It is amazing how far technology has come. It is still a mental struggle to feel like a very old lady growing a  baby, but I have had many tender mercies and prods from God that it's going to be ok. My initial blessing from Greg assured me to trust God and all would work out and we would both be healthy. That was a great comfort I hold on to. Secondly when I get particularly depressed about feeling crummy and not being as helpful as I would like kind women who really aren't close friends but associates from throughout my life enter my sphere and spend some time reassuring and counseling with me. That has been specifically tender. While I'm definitely almost as old as Elizabeth mother of John the Baptist or so it seems- who counseled and loved the very young Mary mother of Christ, these friends have likewise comforted, encouraged, and accepted my status. I appreciate that so much as the old ladies (read over 70) with their snide comments of "Don't you know what causes that?" "Don't you have a TV?" etc to which I smile and answer yes I'm good at it. When they push harder and ruder, but you are having "another one." I look them in the eye and say you want someone like me having children. 

And that's another prod as I lament the ordeals of pregnant body changes, I hear stories of babies not born in healthy families and my heart is sad. What chance do they have? My children for better or worse have each other, they have aunts uncles, grandparents, and more that do and will care for them. Not to mention Greg and I- although Addie told me "You only have to live 21 more years then you can die. IT will be grown up by then." I asked if she would mentor it, with her sage advice of 'figure it out, I did you can too...!' 

This summer has been oddly temperate. I take credit for that as a blessing. All of my summer pregnancies I had 5 fall deliveries so far, were record heat for record number of days. This summer would have a day or two about 95 degrees then a storm wave would cool it back down to the 80's. That is super rare! I'm not very alive above 95 degrees so the variations really help me function most days of the week. 

All in all though, I am very blessed to be able to have these kiddos, all of whom are healthy and normal and mostly kind. They help others, they love God, and they are good citizens. That is my goal. As I blogged these last few days- it is much more tedious than it was meaning the program isn't as smooth-  I find great peace in documenting our humble life. We are very much cyclical and all about work. But there is peace in tradition and self-reliance. There is deep sleep when tired by activity. And there is love. We do love each other- in between the fights and annoyances of sharing space.

As my question of January was "what will I do next?" Has become- the same things I have plus more as the older kids become vibrant young adults on their own journeys through life. I am grateful for the experience and so prayerful for my own health and strength and ability to stay engaged in this motherhood gig. We aren't even halfway and it's pretty easy to tune out or not care at all about the many parts of motherhood- the meetings and activities etc. I'm thankful for the many who lighten that load and are so good to my kids to teach and encourage them as they each have their unique growing up time.