3.9.23 More time passing

My care taker on Tuesday was Reed. He is good with Andrea. he is also getting strong. It always surprises me to watch my little boys grow into men. He's the strong silent type. He gets things done and is definitely a boss. He made pie completely on his own I was very proud of him. He also did lots of dishes and some laundry along with reading a book or two. 

That night it started snowing as we walked to dinner. 

I thought it was cute how Alia was the queen of the party. 

The accumulation after dinner we got an inch an hour. A total of 4 inches with the power going out shortly thereafter. 

After  an early night due to no power and wifi, and the two youngest sleeping with us or being in our bed not sleeping all night the snow the next day was a beautiful enticement for the well rested Bruce and Lia. 

Because laundry was not being processed as fast as usual, Merle couldn't find pants by his own looking. He enjoyed the spring snow in shorts. 

Andrea started a fever on Monday night and was miserable all day Tuesday and Wednesday. With ibuprofen she is not a crying wreck. 

Lia sure loves her sister. And finally they all just took a nap with me. 

Bruce enjoyed watching a national geographic movie with me about yosemite national park. We learned about bears and newts. 

To do something anything each day I have been watching some tutorials I've been trying some watercolor  pictures. They are so quick and forgiving. And fulfilling in my limited living right now

The day before. Watercolor is much less precise but working with the water the way the paint moves and drying times. Brush control is the secret along with having a vision for lines. 

My neck is healing. It's looking pretty good I think. 

My cousin in hospice is slipping away. The slow descent to death can be agonizingly painful when cancer is involved. I was talking with his sister last night who is also watching for cancer flare-ups. This is scary, facing your mortality is hard. Her kids also have cancer in their future via their genetics. It's hard as a parent to know you have given your child something unknowingly and despite your best efforts that will challenge them. Yet it is good to have those same children and to realize (hopefully) that today will not be their tomorrow. Life is constantly changing and evolving. What I go through what my experiences are will not be my children's. Just raising them in this crazy world teaches me that day after day things that were time tested facts and truths have been erased as opinions and oppression. 

I told my cousin it is better to love and loose than to never love at all. I believe that! I think loss is hard because we love so much. I wouldn't want to not love. I wouldn't want to live a life with less love. Many people have served us praying for us, feeding us, helping my kids be normal, checking in and visiting with us- just helping to carry our burden. We appreciate the concern and shared strength. We ar meant to lift each other and cry together as well as laugh together. I believe in heaven and I believe God is Real I know He has answered my prayers. My secret longing prayers and my loud and well thought out ones. I pray for my cousins and wait for my own results which won't tell me my future but will be one more piece of the puzzle for now. 

So today we will enjoy the rare white weather, relax and hold hands, and give thanks to be together. Life is good and even in the hard we are blessed more than we know. 
 

3.7.23 Surgery Report

We got word on Thursday that surgery would be earlier than I had heard previously. We got their at 10 and headed in. We did the ID check and weigh in and changed into the surgery gown. Then we waited and waited like a few hours. That was ok it gave us time to just relax. Greg attempted to read but I had forgot his glasses so that was a challenge, coupled with his always exhausted state I was proud of him to stay awake that whole time. It was hard to listen to the conversation on the other side of the curtain where the nurses where laughingly discussing their divorces. As I sat there so thankful for my eternal companion I was just sad for them missing out on the deep strong connection I feel to Greg. 

I remember being wheeled back and tucked in like a swaddled baby, then I remember them asking me what I wanted to eat. I had told Greg chocolate pudding or ice cream when I woke up. He was ready. I'm thankful for his strength. This has been really hard for him and yet he took care of me and literally lifted and carried me through the wake up, get dressed get in the car part of the day. 

I spent a luxurious 24 hours with his mom per the post surgery rules. We visited and ate and just sat there. The kids came a few at a time with things I asked for like deodorant or pajamas for dad. It was very low key. I came home the next night to show them I was ok and to sleep in my bed. 

Andrea would not look at me at first. But she would let me hold her a bit. 

On Sunday Livy painted a peacock. The water colors I had been eyeing came while I was gone and I gave her permission to use them when I got home. 

It may take a committee to change Andrea... Anna pointed out Lia has her foot on her, Afton is holding her legs and Millie is doing the application. So funny. I know Millie does the diapers all on her own usually this is Afton getting out of her job. 

A few days later. Its not really painful more like a sore throat but not. I cough some I think due to inflammation I don't really get anything out of my throat. Sneezing was uncomfortable. Thankfully that only happened once. Lia stuck her fingers in the incision once that was not comfortable either. But all in all eating is fine, my voice is pretty normal, and I'm doing well. Sleeping hasn't been completely restful but with each attempt it's better. The unwinding from the weeks of anticipation is also happening. 

Andrea loves to be in any box like shape. She is walking a lot and happy to explore and discover. 

The younger three are post finding the initial goiter. I had just had Bruce when the doctor found the lump, I hadn't noticed it yet. Each year I would check and make sure it wasn't dangerous then we would have one of them. I'm thankful I have these last 3 cuties. I'm thankful the goiters and thyroid all came out together encapsulated in a sack. I'm thankful for the doctor's abilities and the hormones that give me a pretty normal life. I am very blessed. It has hit close to home as my cousin who found his to be genetic thyroid cancer is on hospice and not expected to live long. His metastasized into his bones. It is very hard to accept that earth and mortality is just a stop on our eternal journey. 

My faith and belief in God and the restored gospel of Jesus Christ leads me to believe in life after death, in the power of promises made by priesthood power in the temple. It gives me courage and comfort to believe there is a plan and a reason for these experiences, relationships, and people. Those in my home and those I'm related to and those I share my time on earth with. I'm not wondering right now what my life would be like without the gospel of Jesus Christ, I'm being given a full view in color shot of life with and life without. 

I pray for and with my family for my cousin. I have been prayed for and am thankful for the peace I felt and the love I embrace from so many. I am truly blessed and will continue to look toward God and seek to live with Him again someday. 

3.6.23 John & Mark Adventures

The older kids keep rolling in their personal development and competitions. John headed to Rexburg last week to compete at the BYUI mechanic competition. He got first place in one section. He enjoys the time with peers away from home. He also got a personal tour from Uncle Dave. 

On Friday the boys went to a go cart track to race. They had a great time and are planning for their next trip.

nex

Next stop was the Mongolian BBQ a food experience they also enjoyed. Im thankful for leaders who encourage them to branch out and try new things. 

MArk was the first to finish his large bowl of noodles and stuff. 

They moved on to a demonstration/explanatino at Peterson Missionary store. They were very impressed with the 4 way stretch pants. 

They were gifted a tie from the owner. Having shopped this store with my missionaries and then bought replacements while the missionaries were out at work it is a great place to do business with. 

The boys wearing their ties on Sunday. Unity in the quorum is so important. 

 Though I don't love them gone all the time I'm thankful for the people who share their time, talents, vision, and friendship with my kids. These experiences give them confidence open their minds and help them develop more skills. Life is good.

3.2.23 Passing Time

Part of waiting for time to pass is enduring. Painting is is an easy way to relieve some stress and really focus on something else. So bright and early Monday morning I brought out the paintbrushes and paints and got to work. Greg was sick in bed and the kids were off to school. I really enjoy time creating. It makes me proud to see what I have done as I work around my house during the week. 

I'm so thankful for YouTube tutorials. I'm still working to manage my brushes correctly but I'm pleased with the end results. 

Afton had been sick the evening before so was home finishing her recovery she painted with me. It's hard to find a way to connect individually with each child this is one way I try to achieve that. 

I had a lot of left over paint so decided to try another picture. I love the story of Sunflowers being planted along the route for pioneers coming to the west. I love that idea of encouraging and showing others the way to go. Alia joined me painting sunflowers. 

Then Bruce and Merle wanted to paint so they made chicks for Easter. 

Addie had a class assignment where she was suppose to make a propaganda poster. I suggested something about having children. She created this. It is beautiful. I do believe in having children and it is more than supporting armies and economies it is good for the children to have siblings and good for parents to love others, and I'm finding as I traverse middle age children arr a great diversion from my own mortality concerns. 

 We are blessed with many opportunities and gifts. I'm searching for God daily and finding him in so many events. So many coincidences and wow that worked out good. He is Real and He is part of the good and a help and resting place in the Bad. So we paint on and enjoy some time together and pray and wait on the road to unfold.