I stumbled around thinking about all the articles and people who have given me courage, insight, and determination. I thought all day about those questions. Why do I do this? Why do I think I can should and can?
My first thought well I like babies. Which would almost be laughable if you knew me a few years ago. But babies are becoming more and more appealing as the kiddos get bigger and the questions, guilt and concern, and expectations get exponentially bigger.
I thought about how confident my husband is in my ability to raise this family. He inherited his father's confidence that they are right, capable, and there are few better than them. It is an amazing gift to not doubt.
I thought about my own metamorphosis into this mom gig. Do you ever hear your children calling for mom and wonder where their mother is. I tell you what it's sometimes hard to accept the reality that this is ALL mine.
Which brings me to one of the real pieces of why I think I can and should do this. My mom. This is what my mom did. I think she is a very wise woman. She gives timely counsel in very small amounts. She doesn't but in or even touch base very often for fear of butting in, but when I get more than the routine how's everybody check I garner large pearls of wisdom from her.
Growing up I didn't value her wisdom or her devotion. She is the epitome of the does it all mom.
She chose this. She chose to make bread, can fruit, make clothes, decorate our house wall paper and all. She knew how to train animals for fair, budget money and do books for the farm, she lead church organizations and was a room mother. She is savvy about nutritious eating and exercise, she is very spiritual and has a strong and personal testimony. She liked to sing old songs. She rewarded or bribed us through her orthodontist appointments by taking us to the zoo and to feed the ducks in Boise. She knew how to ride motorcycles and worked in a restaurant and a nursing home before getting married. In my mind she was pretty accomplished.
I played the part of difficult first child pretty well. I definitely put her through the hard knocks course. She didn't give up on me and she didn't quit or lock me out. I deserved all of that. But because of her choice and her actions I know I can do this. I know because she did. I watched her survive hard physical, emotional, monetary, and family situations. I marvel at her faith and her endurance. I'm not as tough or strong as her. In fact it was interesting as I talked to some of my sisters today how much I could hear parts of my mom in their conversation from one feeling guilty, to the other feeling strongly about life needing to be less fluffy!
See I believe there is not anything more important that I could do. I know co-workers while friendly would be my competition. I know that nothing is as world changing as people who are decent, have integrity, are willing to work hard, be kind, and who follow God. I know I cannot affect generations of people in a more sure way than in my family. Am I a saint or perfect or patient. NOT AT ALL. I have so many things to work on to be a better parent it's haunting. However I watched my mother learn and grow, so I know I can too.
I guess because I learned so much from my spectacular mother I hope that I can and will be that positive influence on my kids. I hope they have my memory problems and forget the bad and ugly times and remember the good. My hope in all this writing is to preserve the proof that we did good and were good in the midst of all the hard stuff. So the answer is I do this much like my mother did with some exceptions of course, but I do it because she made such a difference in my rebellious rude life - loving and praying me into the better person she knew I could become. Mothers are the most powerful influence for changing the world, just ask their children. Thank you mom
 |
| mastering the wet hair wrap I do after a shower |
I love the hair wraps. It is true, mom did it and she did it beautifully well. Still mulling it around. Thanks for the great post.
ReplyDelete