6.9.16 A lot of Special moments

These past few weeks have been busy with special moments. Aliza turned 12 so as per tradition, but much later than I had planned or hoped, we went to the temple as a family. (I was pregnant wearing the same comfortable dress when we took Harold too.) Yet as I watched with towel in hand for these wonderful kids my heart was full that I too, like Hannah of Old testament days, could present my children at the temple to do the work of the Lord. I'm so thankful they want and get to do this work. They are becoming such great people. It is an honor to have them in our home.

And my how they have grown. Harold is almost 5'11", Aliza is a solid 5'9" and poor Anna is just 5'8". All taller than mom, but Anna par for our course is looking to be the short one in our family (I am the shortest in my family :(.

Addie our feisty hard working little Spitter (as in Spitfire)turned 8. She is so diligent and good. Being the 6th to get baptize we did not squeeze in the baptism family home evening and we did not get overly anxious about what would happen. Poor Addie. We did sit down together and go through some scriptures and explanation of why baptism is so important and what would happen and the result of her choice to get baptized. I think she may have preferred that time with just the two of us. After a huge rush- its hot and first irrigations are happening here at the farm, thus lots of hours are spent figuring out and working thru dirt and water needs... and things like baptisms a half hour away are a real crunch. We made it and got the pictures, did the program and got her baptized and confirmed.

 

John also earned his religious knot and arrow of light. These are important learning and achievement patches as they are worn on the permanent uniform for boy scouts. Thank goodness fro leaders that are so diligent because I have not done much with John and scouting. We are so thankful for hard working leaders.

No I'm not punching John he was being his goofy self and giggling and pushing away my attempt to put my arm around him mom style. I love how poised April is, Someday I will find the confidence to practice picture poses in the mirror so I don't dislike all the results I get.

6.8.16 What I miss most

Summer has sprung and it is hot! The lovely days of 65-85 degrees were traded for 95+ and that is just sweating miserable hot. On top of that radical introduction to summer has been the recent loss of free movement in my body. The thing I miss most is walking casually with out a jolt on each step. Standing is fine, lying is ok once I get there and sitting is ok but man oh man getting up getting down, getting here and there is awful.

Thank goodness my kids are home to lift little ones, to rush for the phone, to do laundry and cleaning. All I can do is move slowly and gingerly from spot A to spot B. I've reintroduced some picking things up off the floor, but anything heavy like a jug of milk is too much.

It's pretty hard to not just sit and sob. Not necessarily because of the pain, although I do cry out way too often... but because this is not me. Having children is a good thing, it shouldn't be this hard. Unfortunately my scripture study has pointed me more towards the they were righteous and God lightened their burdens but only He could deliver them...; and have patience in your afflictions; and it must needs be there is opposition in all things. UGH!

I never did get my mother's day card written this year. I wanted to, but it's so hard to say all the feelings that go with mother. And in the thick of learning to be a better mother it's really too humbling to express how exalted my own mother is because I am at such an inferior level.

I fear this trial of being out of commission. And when the chiropractor told me yesterday it looks as though I have a bulging disk it was not "better to know." When I was 13 my mom got pregnant and that baby kicked her disk out to bulging, resulting in the need to have back surgery. From pregnancy to surgery and through recovery were years of her inability to be who she is or was. I learned a lot. I didn't appreciate her much and I really grew. It was a hard time in our relationship. It made me loathe to be incapacitated, and probably way to prideful in my strength and health. I know what it means to pick up the slack.

As I have worried through this pregnancy how we would get our canning and normal fall work done I again shook my fist to the heavens and said why now? I worried over the Zika virus and microcephaly, I worried about heat and pregnancy and how to afford another delivery. And how to fit in all the back to school stuff and start of school stuff with almost and then having a new baby.
Yet nothing comes close to the daily struggling with pain and the question to push through or sit and rest? To being ignored and being a bad example.

A few months ago though, my parents were here for dinner and speeches and while the kids were lamenting my limited state for canning my mom said strongly- "You guys are big enough to do the canning. Your mom did for me."
That was huge. I did. I learned to love canning and sewing and other homemaking skills that are so much a part of our life now. Because I had to. Because she wasn't able to and could not do that kind of work. She told me once she asked the stake president why she had to suffer so long? He replied "maybe it wasn't for her but for her children to grow..." that is tough.

From the other side, the not as capable side, I'm learning again. And my kids are learning. A lesson in relief society recently asked if motherhood was a sacrifice? All the noble women in the room said "No it's just what we do." I quietly said "Yes it is." I give my body, I give my time, I give up my wants, in short I give my all to being a mom.
With continued hope for relief and ability to move freely in the next 14 weeks and definitely thereafter I am learning to that sometimes greater sacrifice of self is required for others to become who they will. In a blessing Sunday- so I could get to church- I was blessed with instruction that I and this baby are very loved and God is mindful of us. I know this is important to give this person a body, family, and earth experience. However, as always, I wanted it to be easy. But I should know better.

My scripture for this pregnancy and delivery will be Ether 12: 27

•  I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble  themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

And I will rejoice for strong hands and arms that are able to assist me in moving, and that my kids are here to help, and that the baby moves a lot and seems to be doing well and for the blessing for not being on bed rest, and for cool breezes that make summer bearable. Each day, each minute of each day we get closer to the milestone. 

5.27.16 Pictures in time

We were reading scriptures and I looked over at my big kids and had to take a picture. I wanted to remember them in their wise glory. I wanted to remember and show how big and reverent they have become. We were having a decent discussion and they harmonized color wise. Mostly I just wanted to remember.

Of course my slow flash alerted them to my attempt so I really got this first. After reprimanding them I told them to sit up and be brave so I got the picture above.

I write so often about how big they are getting because it really wasn't that long ago that this was my family.

This was Aliza's first day or two home. They were all under 2 1/2. I wasn't sure how I was going to manage and it was pretty busy with babies and crying. Yet we got through it. They are so cute and precious in their pictures and I honestly tear up a little each time I run across them as little people. Now I haven't stopped with little people in my home. I love them all. We still have lots of crying and learning happening but I marvel at how we have got the point of such capable, likeable, independent people as they are today.
(And I could be a hormonal mess from pregnancy fluctuations which is entirely possible.)

There is no replacing or sidestepping the individual journey and attributes of each of the people that live in my home. They have each walked the road differently and add a different dynamic to our overall family unit. I am often tired, not because I do so much, but because analyzing, caring for and hopefully nurturing all these lives constantly. It wears me out and gives me inner strength and hope.
 I feel my mortality more than I want to. I see them doing and being who I am/was in my minds eye. However I ache, I run out of breath and I struggle with bending. My muscles quiver and really I can't do what they do with ease. I will again someday- I hope, that's my goal. Give me a few months of 5+ hours straight sleep at night and only one person to carry around and I think I can regain some of the strength I once had.
But maybe maturing is a trade off. A switch from outer ability to inner ability. Maybe it's transforming from a strong person to a meek person who can be strong in spurts, but has gained wisdom to know where to apply strength and has learned strength comes from God. Things like repentance, faith, forgiveness, love, charity, patience. Maybe that's the strength of age?

My little prophetess was preaching a sermon while we read scriptures. She is a cutey who is always coming up with some new way to share her beginning feelings of faith and love of God.

For my birthday Sue had a trivia game for the kids to answer about me. One of the questions was what is your mother's favorite scripture? Sadly my scripture has been the same since high school Ecc. 3:1-5:
1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

 2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

 3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

 4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

 5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

 6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

 7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

 8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace

But now I would also add from the same chapter:

10 I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it.

 11 He hath made every thing beautiful in his time:

 13 And also that every man should eat and drink, and enjoy the good of all his labour, it is the gift of God

My time and season has changed. I have seen travail and I have been exercised in different ways. I have also seen daily that there are beautiful things and that enjoying your labor is critical in not loosing sight of the end of the means. Today is good. Mortality is good. And growing is great. Best to you this weekend. 

5.26.16 busy sundays

Sundays are one of the busier days of the week here. I guess we live in a small ward or we are just involved in a lot of the happenings because we are a big family. But I really have to brace myself for the many responsibilities that are required that day. After meetings and home teaching we came home to prepare dinner, talks, and work on John's religious knot which we promised would be done by Tuesday.

Harold is the deacons quorum president and was asked to speak at the priesthood preview for the younger boys. He was practicing his talk. He thought he could get out of a picture- which he did the first time (see below) but I was ready the second time and caught him.
He is getting so tall, only and inch or so shorter than Greg at this point. He is also getting smarter, more depth, and more confidence. Not that he lacked in those areas, but he is becoming more and more of the man I hoped he would become.
He was asked to explain the blessings of the priesthood. He shared that two of his favorites are going to the temple and  passing the sacrament. He likes the temple because "he's helping other people get to go to the celestial kingdom" and he likes passing the sacrament because "he's helping people here to be clean and keep renew their covenants."  He really came up with those on his own, I wasn't feeding him those thoughts. He told me this is just like giving a primary talk I said yes but you have much more testimony and knowledge now than you did when in primary.

The little girls love to play with water. Here they are playing with some fancy assorted mugs that a friend gave us. A perfect way to be in the room and moment but not be in the conversation. I'm so thankful our kids have sibling friends to share their lives with.

And Addie soaking up a little Anna time. Touch is so important. I'm thankful my kids choose to be mostly kind to each other. I think Anna and Addie but heads the most of my kids here so it's good to capture moments where they also are kind to each other. Addie often prays that we will be kind or kids at school will be kind. It's on her mind a lot. She also gets in trouble a lot for her not kind words.

Life keeps rolling on and with the passing of each small day we are getting further down this parenting road reaping some good harvest and continuing to pluck weeds and work with new kiddos getting them going. Although Sundays are busy it's a good feeling to be needed and to have opportunities to stretch and grow. Anna got asked to lead the music for sacrament meeting. 4 Songs in front of everyone. She did great. She is much braver and accepting of challenges than I was. She survived well and said she might would do it again if needs be.

5.25.16 a family work night

     "Children should learn to work. Parents should not spend their nights and days trying to find           something to interest their children. They should find something to occupy them and get them busy doing something that is worthwhile."
"Keep in good repair and beautify your homes, your yards, farms, and businesses. Repair the fences. Clean up and paint where needed. Keep your lawns and your gardens well-groomed. Whatever your circumstance, let your premises reflect orderliness, beauty, and happiness. Plan well and carry out your plan in an orderly and systematic manner."
 Spencer W Kimball,  Family Preparedness, 4-1976

I must admit I get a little jealous of all the work that my family does elsewhere. Last week I called a time out and we spent a few hours working on weeds and debris at our house. All those lovely still living mother's day flowers needed some more dirt to expand in and we had weeds galore. My super-duper workers worked miracles on our untidy domicile.
 

Afton looked like a little ewok all bundled up. She loves to be in the thick of things and is very upset if she is left inside or out of the action.

Aliza and Reed cleaning up the piles of seeds that had blown from the trees. Hate those seeds, but in our hard soil very few trees will survive so we are thankful for the shade and green and put up with their yearly attempts at making a forest out of our yard.

I love how the big kids interact with the little kids. Anna was instructing the little girls on how to glean rocks from our flower beds. Livy and Millie remind me a lot of Anna and Aliza at that age. Livy and Anna are more dreamy while Aliza and Millie are more prone to stick to a job. Yet Anna has grown into a powerful worker who excells at hard jobs. Although her artist flair shows through and her favorite thing to do is color and draw when she has a spare moment.

I did weed this night, I wasn't merely watching. I took a moment to hold Afton and survey what all was happening. Greg had the boys help him restore a high fort that is a real treasure here. He also cut down many sucker trees and ended the night high up in the bucket of the loader tractor removing a branch that has been dusting our roof for too many years. Alas the sun went down and we were forced to quit and go to bed. So much for lots of rest for school the next day.

It has been nice to enjoy a more orderly yard for a few days anyway we need a few more work nights and some better habits and our yard will look much more groomed or much less lived in. Good times working together and enjoying creating spaces of beauty. I'm so thankful for all these kiddos have learned from patient knowledgeable teachers like grandma and sister page. They knew exactly how to tackle the projects.

Unfortunately, after all that good work and the nice finished product, I forgot to have Reed water all the transplanted marigolds and I think they all died. I just can't win. The girls are not sad. They were lamenting the lack of pretty variety and the gross smell from marigolds. I told them that's all my mom planted when she was busy raising kids. Marigolds add some color and are pretty hardy. Well it was the effort that counts I guess and dirt looks better than weeds any day. Oh well. 

5.25.16 building a kid and a boat

Almost every night from age 14 until I married (and later) my dad was found in our front room in his chair listening and talking to his kids. He came home around 9 or 10 and we were waiting to just soak up his wisdom, love and time. This gift helped me sort out and navigate the emotions, complexities and craziness of maturity. I sure didn't realize then how critical that time was, I just looked forward and found strength in knowing I could talk to my dad about anything any night.

School is winding down and we are quickly meeting deadlines. The last science project was to built a boat. Anna was supplied with a foam block, motor, and propeller. She began construction herself and got a general idea but was stuck on how to make the motor power the fan. I told her to involve her dad he's an engineer and mechanic it was right up his ally. So they valiantly dug in on Saturday night. Greg assessed we were lacking supplies so we made a family trip to Wal-Mart late Saturday to purchase a new block- he was not happy with her un-measured creation at home and wanted a smoke alarm to take connectors from.

 

After a normally busy Monday night of moving a lady and having a thistle cutting competition and getting the fence hot we headed home to work on the boat and get to bed and the normal night stuff. Greg brought his tool supplies and the fun began. I hesitated on involving myself. There are plenty of other people here needing direction and that project was out of my league. After 45 minutes of frustration I did consult google and found a simple answer  on how to make a plug. How did we ever do projects like this without google?

After more hours of engineering and bonding the boat was done. I have to note through this all Greg was frustrated and Anna was giddy. She had full attention from her dad. This was mostly just the two of them with occasional assistance from Harold who was also finishing final homework. Both kids loved the time with just dad.  The boat tipped on the first attempt. Greg found a solution and Anna completed it while Greg finally ate dinner at 11. Another trial run, and they added a rudder then adjusted the position and the boat was a Success! By 11:30!
Anna said her boat looked the best of any others turned in. She was excited to tell her dad helped her. He wasn't excited to have his name on the project- he likes things to be perfect. But watching him sodder the connections and add protective shielding I'm pretty sure that's more than any others did.
A friend reported she got a partner to do hers, later learning that partner is a new boyfriend.... I'm so glad that Greg was able to be the resource and to solve this problem with our daughter. I told him we better lock that boat up for next year when it's Harold's turn... Ugh!
Seriously though her happy smile and her reluctance for it to end made it a super dad night.

The workshop! Greg always says it's all about the tools. Hence the reason we have such a large collection. Again thankful he knows how to manipulate them into constructive solutions. 

And the other part of our evening. Racing dad to see who could cut the most thistles the in a 3 minute time period. The kids did this challenge Saturday with Grandpa.

I thought for sure Greg had them whipped he was cutting 2 and 3 at a time. Alas at the end-

Anna 100, Greg 95 Harold 83, Addie 16, Reed 2

The kids call this a thistle graveyard. I call this character building and lots of  opportunity for muscle building.

Mark's bragging rights thistle. Dug down to the roots and it was a big one. I wonder if Anna was going as deep?

5.24.16 normal days

While I was on the phone Afton and Livy were having a sword fight- I think Afton started it, really. I was the responsible mother and made them trade my two longest knifes I use for cutting bread, for the the more dull butter knifes. That didn't slow them down much. I guess it's important to know how to defend yourself. 

The boys are more serious when fighting, they also used pan lids for shields. The girls will probably get instruction in this skill during the summer months. Maybe we could call this home school social studies- pages and squires training to be knights? 

One of the best parts of having a very experienced teacher is their vision of filling time with meaningful learning, not just movies. After testing was done or through it Mark's awesome teacher did art lessons. This picture shows what they learned about Monet. The kids learned it's not so easy to be an impressionist. I love Monet and loved the various versions the students created of his famous bridge scene.

A mild picture of poor Anna day one after the fall. Doesn't do justice to how big that lip got. Our kind home teacher brought her out a chocolate milk shake. So far so good though, tooth and mouth have healed really well.  Now to keep it in place.

On my birthday I got sick. Like sit in a chair and be quite all day sick. Funny moment I got sick- puking after drinking too much water without any food intake. The boys wisely surmised I was finally getting morning sickness. I was just about asleep and couldn't correct them at the time. I did explain later that it wasn't morning sickness just real sickness. They then querried weather morning sickness was just in the morning. I reported that it lasts all day for months. They were a little surprised I think.
Livy loves to look at books and was showing me one of her favorite pictures of her favorite animal horses. Poor kids born into a no horse family.

Millie is never one to be left out she too had a favorite picture, and said "Mom take a picture of me!".

When Harold is home he has a shadow. This little one loves the attention and rides and fun he provides. She thinks she is pretty big and he is more than happy to take a break from his work to play with her.

John's self-portrait another art lesson from school. He did not like this picture but I thought it was cute, although not as cute as him.

Reed was sure to not miss out on the action. He is ready to learn and spend time developing his fine motor skills. It takes time to get to this point but he is doing well. He finished his first work book and earned a fat boy sandwich. That was his request. We are pretty close on the next book so Reed and Greg will be enjoying some more fat boys this week. Good times for a smart kid. His front teeth are also starting to come in so his speaking is getting better. F and "th" are hard to say with no teeth. And eating can be challenging. All part of growing up.