2.23.22 Our new baby girl

After waiting patiently and nervously for so many weeks we finally got to February 16. My mom had picked the day early in January as a good day to have a baby. We made it through all of Aliza's local speaking contest and the colander was empty from there on to the end of the month. After each day telling my body not today, then well I guess today would be okay and finally on the 16th saying this would be ok today it started happening. I know people say babies come when they want but for whatever reason the last 4 have worked very nicely into days and times that were blissfully open and not too hard on any of the other family members. Thus at about noon I started feeling uncomfortable. I would stretch and breathe, my midwife had reminded me it's just about breathing. While overly simply it's the truth. Merle was not a happy camper so I sat with him and he took a nap on my lap. When he woke up I had a hard contraction. I called Greg and told him it was probably time to come when he got the kids from school. I was still uncomfortable but ok. I gathered up some clothes and got wrote some instructions for how to care for Merle. The kids came home Greg watched me for a while and grudgingly decided we could go. I had another hard contraction and slowly made my way to the car. 

I had great fear of some drama car birth or being stuck in traffic. I don't like to make a scene and wanted neither. Greg stopped at the shop to talk to John about work to be done. Had another hard contraction and honked the horn for him to come. We proceeded to the freeway behind slow law abiding traffic. We made it half way there with no contractions. Greg was not impressed stating we were way to early. I was disgusted but we drove on. WE got to the hospital about 5:45 I did a parking lot small lap willing my body to get going again. It was cold so I needed to go in. He finished his phone calls and joined me. We donned our covid masks and took the elevator upstairs. The midwife met us and we got the last available room. We walked the long hall to the room, I'm not sure why there is always a marathon hallway but there has been for most of my births. 

In the room they hooked up the monitor, that I loathe. I don't like being touched or laying down. Labor standing up is so much more comfortable and smart. Using gravity as a tool instead of a foe is important. So I stood and visited with the nurse. The midwife watched for a while and set up her table of stuff. Greg read a book. The midwife was asked to go deliver another baby, Greg told them she had about 20 minutes. I had one other hard contraction and seriously wondered if we were in fact going to deliver that day or not. True to form in about 15 minutes things just felt different. I wanted to sit so we moved to the birth stool and it got real. 

I will say I'm a definite outlier. 14 kids, all natural, over 40. Yes definitely an odd duck. The nurses were surprised and commented I was a text book case of how to have a baby, and one of the best they had seen handle labor.

I will insert here I have always silently prayed that it would not hurt. That some how it will go fast and we can just skip to the end. That doesn't happen but I will say this time was the closest to painless I have ever had. I truly count the Lord's hand as a shield and gift making it so manageable. 

I began to push and she didn't come. Pushed again still no baby. That's really odd for me I'm usually done at that point. I pushed again and her head was delivered then two more to get the rest of her. I found out later the cord was presenting first so the midwife moved that, then found the cord on her neck as well so that had to be moved. All in all it went well. Holding her and feeling her was amazing. There is nothing that quite compares to delivering a new life. She was born  at 7:19p.m. we had checked in around 6.

Like all my babies she was very bruised. They thankfully come fast. She was so content and slept over 8 hours. Unfortunately because she was in the 90% of babies size wise at her age- 8 lbs 1 oz at 38 weeks, the nurses felt it important to blood sugar test her every 1.5 hours all night long. I slept 0 hours. That was frustrating knowing I needed some rest before going home. Thankfully we were able to finally leave the fishbowl hospital by noon. Greg drove us home, he usually leaves ASAP and someone else comes to get me. 

Babies sweet angel eyes before they fully rest on earth. It is not a light thing that these precious spirits squish into frail helpless bodies relying on the mercy, care, and love of those around them. 

At home there was so much excitement and desire to check her out. I spent the first week mostly just guarding her. 

I have so many pictures because my two that are away are missing this time at home. While both are totally great where they are at they both love babies and miss getting to hold her. They were the ones who would come home and whisk the new baby away. I miss their willingness. I miss them a lot, but it's good they are not holding back on living their lives. There are so many changes with this experience. 

So we send pictures daily and teach and let this next generation have a baby experience too. 

Of course we have some great colds going on right now. She's sneezed on, licked, loved, and cried over. There are a lot of tears bringing home a new baby. Yes that is a shell shocked mom. Long long days of not sleeping. Thankfully she has given me 3-4 hours in a stretch the last few nights. 

 

I am truly a blessed mama. To have a body that is able to grow and birth babies is not a light thing. To be trusted to have these people in my home is totally humbling. It's not all easy and heavenly. There is a lot that is. I'm just soaking up this time. I know the work will start again soon. I'm thankful for the pause button on my life. I'm thankful for this blessing to have Andrea in our home and life. I'm so thankful she has taken to nursing and is content. Come what may and love it has been excellent counsel. 

2.15.22 More Snuggly

It's always on my mind how my kids are relating to what I'm trying to create in our family or home life. Recently Afton told GReg that I'm more snuggly lately. 

I thought those were interesting words. Actually I like to be touched much less in this very large stretched out state. I'm hyper aware of my body and don't have a lot more to share physically. However, I think with her limited vocabulary she was referencing mom is more available to sit by, to curl around, and to be with. In short mom isn't running all over. Mom is sitting a lot. Mom is available. Mom is doing stuff with us. Her observation has made me think a lot about what my place as the mom in our family is. I'm often the doer the worker getting stuff taken care of and done not necessarily the loving take time to be with my kids. The discomfort of a growing baby and stretching body has caused me to slow down and pass the time. Last week we made Valentines, the kids got creative in their coloring efforts. We really appreciate all who sent us Valentines in return.

We finally celebrated Livy and MArk's birthday with lemon sunshine cake. 

The kids love to watch mormon messags and any of the myriad of church videos on Sundays on the chromebooks. We bought the bigger tv so they didn't all have to huddle around a small screen. It is heartwarming to see them all together. 

Life is good we continue to wait and pass the days. We have drawn, colored, painted, sorted, organized, and cleaned. It's nice to have time to be our better selves. We are blessed.
 

2.11.22 Full table

I have a full table. Even when we are missing some the bench fills up and it takes a lot of food to fill these reluctant bellies. Livy turned ten this week. The older kids were at a basketball game so we only had the younger half here. They are busy and still enjoy simple things. While we didn't do cake we did take time to tell her how we all love her- top on the list she is fun to play with, she is artistic and creative, she doesn't complain and is a fun sister. 

After a dentist appointment for Lia and Millie we came home to a work on some valentine's projects. It was fun way to spend some time with these younger kids. They did well and we enjoyed the sunshine. 

A day later a neighbor showed up with 50 lbs of brown sugar. We do eat sugar so we set to work dividing it up. We had  sugar all over! 

In the end we made cookies and are super thankful for the generous gifts we receive. 

 Life is good. I'm trying to embrace the reality of the changes I know are coming. The commitment to keeping on through the stages of raising kids. I had a friend tell me yesterday I was brave to have children in this day and age. I was surprised I don't feel any more brave now than times past and my worries have not been about the state of the world, but rather about my endurance, ability to keep meeting needs, and keeping it all together. I guess all together is pretty relative though. Sometimes we expand to do great hard things, and sometimes we shrink to just manage to cover the bases each day. We have so many that love and care about us around us and praying for us. I'm truly so thankful for the many people who offer and do pray for us. I know all will be well. I know we can expand our family. I know this is gonna work out I just don't know when or exactly what the path looks like.  I have visions of lots of baby holding/protecting, lots of time at home and enduring the next season as well. Some tears, lots of smiles, tender whisperings and moments of goodness. It's gonna be good. And if it's going to be good it is good right now with where we are at today. 

2.10.22 Missionary Chats

Mondays are fun days that involve a fair amount of time reviewing pictures having spontaneous chats with my missionaries and a few minutes of time seenig their faces via video calls. Harold had a great time this week at a district activity where they had a nerf gun battle. 

My activity kids also want to do this activity. This gave me some ideas. I have learned a lot about mission life through continued discussions with these two. It's not all deep reverence there is a lot of learning to work with others, caring, living on your own, and just general life. I'm thankful they are getting this time to learn and grow. I love how this is all couched in intense and focused spiritual study and teaching. I think there is a lot to learn about this principal. Take the time to make Christ and the gospel part of each day. Share when we can. Seek to do better with those around us. 

Anna has quite an atheltic group as well. After all the  years of high school valiently protecting her fragile teeth she is having a good time being a serious competitor although not super practiced with her fellow missionaries. So far her teeth are fine. 

Bruce has a brand new primary teacher who really works hard to be interesting. Last week they built the city of Enoch with Blocks. Bruce wasn't much into that but had a great time building a cannon to bomb the city. 

This week his peers made boats to keep their animals safe. Bruce was adamant his animals wanted to swim instead of get on the ark. They are turtles after all. I see a drowned pig at the bottom of his sink though. I really love the come follow me program we have great discussions. 

   

I'm thankful for all the effort teachers put in every week. Merle even survived nursery for the first time all the way through. It really helps when his cousin Myla can be there too. A friend makes any situation more fun and safe. After a year in primary I have relaxed my expectations and worry level a lot. My counselors and their spouses are first line for subbing. They are so willing. We have incredible creative and talented music people. I'm thankful to get to see so many people use their talents every week including the kids. Primary is a great place to serve. The gospel of Jesus Christ is a calming strengthening influence. I'm thankful to have it as part of my everyday life. We are blessed
 

2.9.22 Everyday Snaps

The girls happily brought home a flier last week of an upcoming Daddy daughter dance. This group of girls were the little sisters when the older girls got to go and came home with prizes, stories, and pictures of their especial date with dad. Everyday these girls asked if it was time for the dance. On the day of the dance they asked hourly when dad was coming home? I was glad when the hour finally came, Addie braided hair and the girls happily escorted their dad out the door. They had a good time learning to dance and being the focus of his attention. I'm so thankful traditions are coming back and we have such kind community members who invite us to their activities. This is hosted by another church, it does make me wonder if we couldn't learn to share better. 

At home we enjoyed waiting for the report. I think we watched a movie. Lia was so sad to not go this time. She has to be a little bigger and it's about all Greg can do to entertain 3 eager dancers. 

Bruce wanted a picture of him. He's such a busy guy. He needs lots of activity in these cold slow days there is not enough to expend his boundless supply of activity. 

Alivia has been asking Addie to bring home Black Beauty. One of her sisters told her she should read it. Finally Addie brought it home and Livy was happy to be whisked away to another time with a time honored Horse hero. This was a great picture. 

She was deeply saddened by the ending. She was articulate in her feelings about the story and eager to try another chapter book by herself. This sparks hope for me as I've been waiting on this day. As my wise brother told me over 20 years ago it's not that they can't read it's that they aren't reading what interest them enough to spend the time. This has been proven with Livy's most recent break through. 

Another Monday another bloody nose for Merle. This time off the bench unaided. And I was just messaging with the kids not live talking. 

This is after, these gunny kids are growing up and waiting anxiously on spring. The lesson I'm learning right now is have faith, don't give in to fear and there is necessity and time passing. Sometimes it's just that time has to pass. Everything is not always speed and accomplishment there's a lot of preparing however that looks and whatever that requires. My mantra going into this next baby delivery is "Come what may and love it, and I trust in God and know he has prepared a way." 

We are blessed and I see that everyday. Life is good. 
 

2.5.22 Activity Day Boats

One of the challenges of serving in the church is covering all the programs. One such is the activity day program where youth 8-11 meet twice a month to do some activities. I have joined a facebook group where I can see or read ideas from other leaders, we have had a planning meeting with the kids that went really well but the actual putting on the activity is sometimes challenging between my life, my co-host life, sickness etc. it's just another thing. However, when we do have activities- which honestly is pretty regular- I feel like they are very positive and good for the kids.

This week we are studying Noah's ark. I saw an activity for making paper boats. Our ward fun couple have been very willing to help us so I enlisted their help Sunday evening. They did not disappoint. 

The kids are applying crayon to both sides of tehir papers to help with water repellant. They had a good noisy time covering their pages with crayon. 

The actual folding went pretty well all things considered. 

We even had a discussion about NOah and his ark and how he kept out water and how we can keep sin out of our lives. 

The final challenge was raching the boats in rain gutters. This was fun and very tricky. 

The kids are usually hungry so we had baby yoda green frosting to frost our valentines cookies. 

While at the speaking contest Addie was home with the kids, she made a beautiful pink and a light green as the two frosting options. When she left the kitchen Bruce, Merle, and Lia all decided they too could make frosting and so we ended up with baby yoda green too much to toss, not enough food coloring to do more. Life. 

After activity days was the annual groundhog supper. My kids were really looking forward to that. We were crunched on time between their activitiy and Aliza's speaking. My parents helped and we enjoyed a yummy dinner at home. 

 Again we are thankful for all the hands that helped us accomplish all that we committed to in a one day. There are always kids to watch, feed, and care for in the back of any activity. There is a family with chores and work, there is one person working at something new. Life is good and we are praying for the snow the groundhog said would be coming. We really really need it if we are going to farm this year. Water is crucial to western living. 

2.4.22 The speaking journey

We are walking through the speaking season of FFA. It has been an intense challenging ten days. Two Sundays ago as I was writing the calendar events to keep track of our family I realized the contest was three days away. Speaking is a primary reason the kids take FFA. I think this an invaluable life skill and FFA provides a thoughtful incremental structure to develop understanding, confidence and skills in communicating your thoughts and ideas. Thus Mark and John were drug out of peaceful slumber and instructed to start thinking and preparing. John and I wrote his speech based on information he was studying in his class. Mark and Addie went to work memorizing the time honored FFA Creed. The next night Aliza and John went to speak at the Soil and Water contest. Aliza got 2nd place. John got his feet wet. 

After the experience we gathered as usual. They were tired from the addition to their daily requirements. 

The next night was the chapter contest. Again more experience and practice standing up and speaking in front of others. There were a few disappointed kids, I wanted to take them and say you did so well for trying. Don't give up you can't do hard things if you never try to do hard things. But they left before I could congratulate them on showing up, getting up, and staying up even though they struggled. 

One week more and it was district FFA contest. We worked and worked each night saying the speeches. Neither boy was very excited to be gilled, coached, critiqued and told to do it again and again. However, their progress in one week was remarkable. Mark was in a huge class of creed speakers there were 17 in all that presented. I was able to hear about 6. It's always encouraging to attend these contests there is a bright future for America. There are good family, kids who have ambition and work ethic, and a general goodness that comes through at these events. 

One of the best parts of the day was seeing my sons have such a great time with FFA members from other chapters. Neither had been to a competition before and it was really encouraging to watch from a distance their laughing and joking all day with new kids.  I saw many people from my past that were there as judges, parental support, or teachers. It always makes me pause and say a prayer of gratitude for the profound impact those people had on my life at that time. Who truly shaped my confidence and character. I'm so thankful for many of them and the mark they left on my life. My youth was very different and yet very similar to my kids. It warms my heart that good things still happen and the hoped for learning is still happening even 30 years later. 

The age old ritual of who has the strongest grip. I'm pretty sure John and Mark won this challenge though I don't know which one triumphed. 

I have few pictures of the contest because I was present listening and thinking not just watching behind my phone. Aliza shared these few pictures with me, she too was pleased to see her reluctant brothers enjoying themselves so much. 

After the long day of competition and waiting we hurried to get ready for the next big hurdle the American Legion contest. Aliza had been given information and scheduled to do this early in January. As the days ticked by I was very worried at the lack of action I thought I saw. She kept telling me mom stop worrying it will be fine I've got this. I worried more. It's about all I could do, and pray. I prayed for her. 

She did not disappoint and of course pulled through with poise and awe taking the difficult and finding answers and logic that is hers from years of study. She truly has developed her mind to an admirable level. I love hearing how she things. 

These good veterans were a pleasure to be around. I'm thankful for their commitment past and present to preserving the goodness of American Values. They were likewise excited to host an event and to champion Aliza on her journey to scholarships. 

We are blessed to have grandparents who support our kids. They have each given time, insight, and encouragement to our kids. We really appreciate their time, prayers, and talents. 

There is great power in learning from the older generation. 

And with that we completed a long day. I didn't do much more than just watch and hope. I am working to trust the many processes that my kids are currently involved in. I work to push them and teach them skills Greg and I think are necessary to a successful life. Often I feel like we don't do enough and it's not adequate. Yet there are moments like when I was rushing home to get her forgotten paperwork when I was overwhelmed with the feelings that in deed my kids are blessed and showing their aptitude for work, reading, friendship, and family. I'm thankful for the quiet whispers that all is well. I'm thankful for prayers answered and opportunities to stretch.

 I'm also thankful for days of rest, and the many many people that support our family in our pursuits. Life is good.