12.12.22 Normal days

 A few weeks ago I read this quote about normal days from the author Tina Lewis Roe:

    "A normal day! Holding it in my hand one last moment, I have come to see it not as more than an ordinary rock. It is a gem, a jewel. ...In times of sickness and pain people have buried their faces in their pillows and wept for this. Normal day let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me not pass by you in quest of some perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it will not always be so."

Tonight as I was checking my phone one more time I noticed a new message when I checked it was from a doctor clinic wanting to start scheduling appointments. 6 years ago a dermatologist found lumps on my throat. We have been monitoring them and watching for the dreaded cancer. There was a time that my dad did a genetic test when two of my cousins found lumps that were cancerous a few years ago. we did not have the cancer gene.  To date I have no cancer findings but the lumps continue to grow and I think it's time they go. I'm not excited for surgery. This one will be a while as the lumps are right in the mess of veins, vocal cords, things like my esophagus and trachea... it may be quite delicate. 

So tonight as the dark thickened and the normal was happening the peeling the vegetables and cutting the meat for dinner, as my baby cried at my feet, and I was slapped in the face with the real possibility this would not be my day schedule for a while I was overwhelmed with how sweet my normal days are. I picked up that crying baby and shushed her while I cried. 

I don't like personal pain, or the loneliness of hospitals, or healing with rambunctious kids. I will seek to be thankful for the option to heal and go on with just a scar and some memories. I will figure it out. 

It never ceases to amaze me how quickly life changes. So we pivot from investigating about remodeling to trying to hurry introductory and exploratory procedures so we know where we are going from here. And I will savor the snuggles and try to just enjoy the normal. Life is grand. I am blessed.