5.28.20 Graduation Parade

The almost final piece of graduation the parade. This graduation seemed to go on and on. Yet I did not want to be the rain on the parade, or have Anna look back with regret, we continued trying to be part of the hoopla. On Friday I rationalized Anna should probably have a sign. A call to the local butcher and we were graciously gifted some poster paper from the school. I instructed Anna to secure some writing supplies and on Sunday she found time to make her signs. She made them because she has the prettiest handwriting. I did apologize for not being more involved. She graciously replied she was fine with making her sign how she wanted it.  

One surprise we found as we drove into town was our friends and neighbors lining the streets. I was waving like a princess at all the people we knew and hadn't seen for so long. It was so fun to smile without a mask! We got to the shop and set up to watch the parade.
The first noisy float was the teachers. These people have truly made high school memorable. They are good sports and very creative.

There were all different kinds of vehicles driven. 

I had envisioned Anna riding in the back of our pickup with her dad driving. She had visions of this.

 Harold was her support person in the car. As they cruised past us he laid the seat down, but sat it up for the rest of the parade. He has hopes he too will get to be in a senior parade next year.

 My kids were impressed with the monster pickup one graduate rode in.

 I loved the decked out van. I had never even considered vinyl.

And after much deliberation and a knowledgeable nudge from Aunt Mary Anna decided to go to the all night party. It was a fun time and a great closure to the unique end to high school she experienced. Honestly I would choose this quick hand the diploma, and then fun casual parade any time. The finished compilation video was convenient to watch at home when we got to it. I sincerely will miss this very casual very personal time of life.

As all the graduation stuff came and went part of me was very sad that Anna was not in the group pictures that she was not part of the crew. The other part realized she had a great high school experience. She did what she wanted for most of the time and she has become what I had hoped. Again back to wondering if I had made her odd?
Couple that with various kid experiences of the last few weeks, they are not part of the kid groups here, we are our own group, and I was pretty low of late wondering what we were doing wrong. I found a paper Anna had written in her journey to state certification that she was learning about friends. Her first line was "I have never been without friends because my parents gave me a brother then other siblings. These are my friends." I was touched, and remembered how she fought for her siblings during the slating of officers from FFA interviews. Anna is loyal.
From those same FFA interviews neither Aliza or Harold received and office. I was brought back to wondering why? Yet today my first phone call of the day was a compliment that my kids while on their own away from my eyes were hard workers, not fighting, just efficient and capable. I was thankful they showed that they are friends and a team.
I've discussed before how hard it is to watch your kids loose. To be in the position of watching and wishing you could make the outcome what you dreamed, not what it is. This was a double whammy to have both kids rejected at the same time. Add it to the list of not happening for 2020. Yet, after an hour or so of driving around the conclusion was broached that this might be a real blessing and there were other opportunities waiting. This was music to my ears and a real lesson in just taking some time to digest.
I learned a few weeks ago, while at a social thing and not being part of the large discussion going on, that I wanted to be where I was talking with whom I was talking. It's not always better in the larger group. And as the spirit has reminded me today just because we are not part of the larger group we have made a difference in small groups with small actions.
Live and learn and be happy with who you are. Huge lessons that I sincerely hope I know and am able to share with my kids.
My final comments to the kids yesterday is we had decided and worked very hard to give them things that we believe last a lifetime. 1.We gave them siblings believing that they will always be loved and have friends. 2. We give them work believing that leads to confidence and self- reliance. So we march on the sun is shining there is food in the fridge and lots of music to be sung and enjoyed. Some days are easier than others and life is still good.

5.27.20 Being together

New little babies sure are fun to cuddle and worry about and watch and listen for. We are enjoying and adjusting to the new experience of baby and having time to get to know him, not just wedging him among the activity of normal busy we usually live. Everyone takes a baby break. He loves to look at the kids and see what is going on. 

We found out on Monday of last week that Reed had a 22 page report due by Wednesday. We hurried and printed the pages and began reading to get educated on the topic. Between the teachers resources, google searches and youtube videos we got a general idea. He had to write a story about being a pioneer on the Oregon trail. We pulled out some family history and began finding out about his real pioneer ancestors. Thank goodness for good records and thoughtful aunts who have put together easy to read books of remembrance. We learned a lot in general and specifically about Nelson Wheeler Whipple. As a reward for completing half the assignment and to learn more about the Oregon trail the kids watched the very old (1970's era) movie Seven Alone.

The big kids wear out the little kids and they are often found napping later in the day here. 

Or on a big sister. Can I say again how blessed it has been to have so many hands on deck to help with all that is going on.

Especially when the tasks are heavy! Mark is such a teenager he's dragging his feet while the others push.

We are in the idea stage of a large final project for the grade school kids. I've got few ideas but what keeps coming to mind is we are family. We work together, we eat and cook together, we play and imagine together, we learn together. The best part of world wide pandemic has been being together and having time to be together. Everyday does not have one or five activities we roll on how our life works. Meaning we work until the sun goes down everyday. The younger kids play outside and enjoy daydreaming, and reading to their hearts content. We visit and listen to spotify. It's nice to be free from stress of commitments and to just focus on our responsibilities. It's kind of selfish and yet necessary to just focus on what has to be done for our family right now.
I love the feeling of being unified and working together for the common/family good. I will miss this centered time. I love that even church is what we need how we need it right now. We can choose what topics are on our minds and hearts, we can shorten or linger as we want, it's on our time... again its a selfish time but for this time of graduating senior, new baby adjusting to living independently it's been so nice.

5.26.20 8th Grade graduate John

I mentioned earlier that I was more sad to date about the lack of ceremony and tradition for John than Anna. I was so happy that the rogue parents of his class organized an un-sponsored spontaneous pickup of the final packets from the school. There is closure found in seeing classmates again and completing one ritual passage the signing of the teachers podium. This simple step signals to others that you were there, you were part of the legacy of the school. In essence you lived to tell the tale!

My son who does not like to be noticed, yet is normal in wanting to be part of the group allowed himself a nickname. One of the girls in his class thought his name was spelled Jhon. And the name stuck. Thus his mark on the desk is thus.

After a much more elaborate picture of his cousin came through I told him we should probably get a picture of him with his promotion certificate.

And the real deal the last class photo. No social distance that had been forced on them for the past two months. It was happy and fun to be together.

They have grown a lot both physically and mentally. I'm thankful John had the opportunity to be stretched and pulled into the extremely insightful, witty, kind, confident young man he is today. Willowcreek has been a huge blessing to him. And with that he is up and away to high school. Life is good, it is good to have a place and to be part of the whole.

5.24.20 Listening

I have to report when we actually listen to those smallest of promptings. Last week I considered going to a yard sale. I need to be able to help the baby and thus enlisted Aliza to chauffeur. John heard and having experienced a yard sale and knowing the possible treasure hunt it could be asked to go. The morning of the sale I wavered feeling it was a waste of time, Aliza and John spurred me on, Aliza informing me she had never been to a yard sale. Well I have always enjoyed a good yard sale, you never know what prize might be found, so we headed out. After a quick look around and finding a few bargains, a whole box of card size envelopes for .25 cents was my personal favorite, we headed out. We had some time to kill before our next appointment so we stopped at Grandmas house.

We found her sad and resolved that her dog was ready to be put down due to a large tumor on her leg. She has had this plan for almost a full year. The tumor has steadily grown and slowed the little dog down. I have talked grandma out of putting the dog down several times encouraging her to just wait. Well due to the large size and grandma's worry it would explode over the long weekend I offered to take them to the vet. She agreed and we headed there slowly after taking this picture.

Dogs are good companion animals, and this one has been particularly helpful as my grandma is a widow. It was hard to say goodbye, and a sad event I had not foreseen myself as a part of.
Yet, I was glad to be there to be able to hug my grandmother and to share her sadness for a few moments. She said she was glad to not have to do this alone, I was glad too.

As we drove away a short time later I realized all the events  leading up to being there were tender mercies and guided. It's nice to be at the right place at the right time, to help someone else, and especially to help dear loved ones when they need it. I'm thankful we could love grandma this day. God is in the details of our lives.

5.20.20 Mothers Day

This mothers day was very relaxed and peaceful. After an alarming conversation with my grandmother the day before reporting on the near isolation nursing home residents are enduring I decided to put the crew to work making mother's day cards. The girls dressed and ready to deliver with Harold as chauffeur. 

 Anna and Aliza helped letter and draw cards for the younger girls to color. I love the teamwork and sharing that occurred. This is what makes me happy as a mother, peace in my home among the family working on a common goal. Helping others to feel loved and of worth.

My kind parents sent this gorgeous bouquet of flowers. I was so surprised and even more surprised the many busy hands that live here left them alone to just be beautiful. 

 A cute Livy fresh from playing in the mud coming to snuggle with me while I watched a quick video of like dressed kids singing how the love their mother too. My kids love me and share life with me in all the natural rugged beauty and play.

I don't usually love mother's day I mostly feel inadequate and like I'm not doing the important parts enough. However, when I take a step back from judging myself against what other mothers do I realize I'm doing what I can, how I can and that's all right. I have a painting hanging in my room that is not finished. It's about halfway done the colors aren't varnished bright and their are outlines where trees may have been intended. I have this on my wall instead of a finished picture because it reminds me I too am in process. This family scenario and my character are all under construction. Somedays are noteworthy and amazing and some are just survived and endured. The last month has felt mostly like survival, I've been pampered by my crew giving me time and space to just rest and heal to to ease into this new addition to our family. They are so good to me, patiently forgiving and enduring my parenting weaknesses and loving me day by day as we walk the road of life. I am thankful for each one and the addition of personality and love they bring to our home. I am blessed to be the mother to this group.

5.18.20 Anna's Graduation

I came home last week to find my homework bound daughter had picked up her costume for graduation and was giddy about that upcoming event. I also learned she had been honored with a teacher look alike.

The great Dr. Faulk dressed up to look like Anna from the pony tail to the FFA jacket to the pile of books and ever present water bottle she nailed the look. 

John who has always loved the chance to dress up tried on the gown to see if it might also work for him in the future. He is an 8th grade graduate who was denied the chance to be in the end of the year play, and the 8th grade college tours.

4 generations. Anna and Grandma Lasley. The first great granddaughter to graduate. Grandma shared her class ring with Anna. She was a viking from Denver Colorado years ago.

A whole family photo. This was all who could come to Anna's graduation. We were allowed 20 and with the 15 in our family and the 5 grandparents it was just right. While many are bemoaning the loss of the graduation ceremony I think we should say Thank you!. No hard bleachers to sit on, no hot ceremony in late May. It was about 1 minute long walking across the stage, and then we loitered a bit looking at some displays then we were done. So nice not to have to wrangle the crew.

Anna is fortunate to have so many grandparents close by.

Crossing the stage adorned with National Honor Society scarf, FFA scarf, and state degree cord.

The first finished Viking from our house and the next ones on deck. Time goes quickly. 

 .
Addie and I sewed and sewed to make enough masks for everyone. Aunt Shauna had come a few days earlier and provided the fun ice cream material masks. The kids were obedient enough to wear them while we were inside the building.

Our sweet little Lia girl. She loves her Anna and has moved to sleep with her. She will be a sad cookie when Anna maybe leaves this fall. It wasn't that long ago that Anna was the little pumpkin here and we were wondering who she would grow up to be. Now she is a confident classy lady who is a fresh high school graduate. On to bigger ponds and new adventures. Life is good and we are blessed.

5.17.20 Again

We passed the one month and the five week mark. Relief for each day marked off and for the tiny amounts of progress we are seeing. See that faint double chin? I am thankful for that. 

Today Bruce was talking to me again about babies being naked in their mom's tummies. He is fascinated by that phenomena. I have assured him we dress them pretty soon after they are born, he hasn't quite pieced together why moms can't make clothes for their babies in utero too. 

As we talked I told him I could show him what he looked like after he was born. I have a picture of him, one that literally haunted me when he was this age. It shows a strong big baby being examined by the midwives. The picture haunted me because weeks later he had shrunk and was hanging on but not thriving. Reading about all that was going on and remembering the extreme frustration and puzzlement I was feeling was a nice reminder. Almost verbatim I have been feeling some of those same emotions in the past few weeks. I could not write here because I rarely set Merle down. I have again been wondering and watching what is going on. I have been working to stay calm and restful to get my body to work with his. I try to separate this experience from that one and to make decisions and resolutions based on today. I have cried a lot and prayed some. I have reached out to other moms for advice and encouragement. And mostly we just keep enduring and hoping nursing will get better.

A few important differences, we are not canning. We are farming full time as of this year, and the new stress of financing, timing of crops and water is taking some attention.
The kids are home! That is such a help! Reading about the familiar busy activity of the kids when Bruce was home versus this time of having helpers and kids who can distract the younger kids. The lack of daily running around even just to get kids home from school is so nice.

Similar is a host of just older siblings to love and stimulate the baby. They love to kiss him, oftentimes Lia is pinching him. We are working on that.

The best part of this time is the proof we all survived last time. Bruce is a huge testimony that although it is hard it is worth it, and I can do this. Another important difference is we were heading into the huge snow-mageddon year with Bruce and we are just headed into an easy summer of farming.... well into a new season we don't fully know how it will go, but have a feint idea. 

So with the aching back and neck of hours and hours hunched over trying to get him to nurse then not moving when he does, to the slower mind function life is ok. I'm so thankful to have big kids here who have done a lot of laundry, who help with all that needs to be happening and who are my friends and support. They have learned a lot of basic baby care and patience in these experiences. They offer diversions with their interests, reading, and thoughts. I'm thankful to have such a great backup crew. Life is good and we will survive!

5.7.20 FFA ending #1

The end of an era. The closing of a chapter that was full of learning, adventure, trial, and fun. Dates kept changing and yet after many revisions Anna completed her last FFA contest and her run for state office. She learned a lot, she had big smiles from seeing her friends from around the state via zoom, and the wondering what if was over. These are pictures from her days through that process. 

 After her first round of interviews.

 Her zoom station at grandma Saunders house where it was much more quiet. A kind friend helped Anna with sound, angels, and lighting to make sure she looked and sounded her best on the video feed.

 And it's over she did her best, she gave all she could and it was over.

Anna grew from a shy quiet young lady to a confident poised young woman. I got to listen to her in conference with her peers and I was so impressed and surprised at her ability to argue points and to discuss differing opinion. She has become a service minded leader and I am thankful for the chances I've had via internet and isolation to see her in action.

She was preparing extemp speeches prior to the Sunday morning session of state officer running. She has developed a lot of skill in this area too. She is becoming more clear, more reasoned, and has gained the confidence to look people in the eye. Oh we have learned a lot together. How we love this powerful daughter of ours. As we discussed the process and the loss of this dream, we emphasized again and again this is not the end of your world, you will take all you have learned and have success in your next ventures as well. She came, she participated, she went and she became now it's time to go!