9.30.14 A Shield of Faith

Being a mom is hard work. Countless hours of homework,  repeated dishes and laundry, faking a good attitude when you're not feeling it, the concern and guilt that are always present it is a tough act to pull off 24/7 for countless years. With the responisbilites for my brood and the ward ladies I feel pretty maxed out and torn in a million pieces most every day. It is hard to not feel guilty about not making dinner or seeing a lonely widow or doing missionary splits or talking nicer to my eternal question asker. I often think I am failing a this mom deal. Our family doesn't do lots fun things, we aren't like everyone else. My kids have struggles. They don't have the most merit badges or piano skills or whatever.

Harold pinning his rank advancement pin at the recent court of honor. I was so mad at another kid climbing the roof just as the meeting started...ugh! I was therefore the only mom not to hug their son. Oops. Gotta let it go faster.

However, and this is the reversing your but's, that's okay. We're okay. Today is a new day. Everyone has been gone for half an hour, no my dishes aren't done and no my house is not clean and tidy but we are okay. Today is a new day and I will try to take what worked yesterday- getting dinner figured out by 8 a.m. and done by 1 p.m. so when they hit the door at 4:15 and I get phone calls about emergencies at 4:00 I will be able to get through it. A little organization, a lot more rolling through, and more begging or maybe the word is pleading for help from the master of all God.

A dragonfly that curiously came in and ended it's life furiously trying to get through the screen window. Livy loved it. No blood just a puddle left by melted raspberries she enjoyed while standing on the good couches to look out the window.

As I took a true inventory last night of our family and how my kiddos are fairing I realized after some spiritual recentering found in family home evening and scriptures and prayers that they are becoming who they are. They fight hard against somethings like practicing and regular chores- although some do it easily, and they show talents I'm not sure how to encourage. They are funny, unique, awrnry, and rude. They make me laugh and grind my teeth and sometimes swear. I love them desperately and I detest the crying and demands. It made me wonder am I ok mentally? I think so. It's just a lot. All the time.

Not to  just leave you in my muddled mind I loved this talk by Elder Ballard- The Shield of Faith
The quote-

"Lest parents and children be tossed to and fro, and misled by the cunning craftiness of men who lie in wait to deceive, our Fathers' plan requires that like the generation of life itself, the shield of faith is to be made and fitted in the family. No two can be exactly alike. Each must be handicrafted to individual specifications..... Husband and wife, working together, fit each child individually with a shield of faith made to buckle on so firmly that it can neither be pulled off nor penetrated by those fiery darts. It takes stead strength of father to hammer out the metal, and the tender hands of mother to polish and fit it on."

My work is to polish and know my kiddos. Some days are better than others, sometimes it's other people who shine the light on those amazing people who live here. But we keep working at it, one hammer blow and one more rub of the polishing cloth. It is daunting and overwhelming but I know and have seen and experienced the power of Heavenly strength and control in helping me do this work.

Millie picking up onions. One of the smallest I've seen. She found a couple and was so pleased to be big.

I know I can because I have and I know it is only because I have humbly and fervently pleaded for help and intercession. I'm so thankful for that testimony and knowledge that God is intimately involved with parenting my children and making me a better person. I wondered when the first three were little if we could do too much scripture stuff? dumb question yes. We were doing scripture devotional in the morning and family study at night but it got me through. It made my kids good at memorizing, it centered and lifted me when it was very hard. More of what works and less of what doesn't always makes more sense even when the world says just the opposite. Do more activities, more alone, more me and individual stuff. When the answer here has been do less activities, be together in a peaceful way and enjoy the opportunity to be hugged a lot, to be needed, and to relearn algebra!

I'm so grateful to be a mom and to be blessed by continual refinement in the fire of life. Hopefully the dross that is so much a part of who I am, will be purged and the gold I admire in others will surface in my being as well.  All things are possible with God, even surviving motherhood and raising strong, faithful, intelligent, industrious, and kind children.