There is something so heartwarming to those times when your children really interact with you. When they finally acknowledge you are their mother. Tonight I was in the middle of homework and getting through the required to-do's and Alia just started listening and smiling and stopped the entire production for her turn. Aliza happily snapped a few pictures.
Today was a long day. I spent most of it trying to put together a blog/photo book I've been wanting to print for years. In the process I filled the house with smoke because I mistakenly left a pan on the element. I also missed my nap only to find in the end the project didn't work.
It's rare these days I attempt anything other than the must do's like dinner, dishes, and laundry. It was so enjoyable to sit at the computer and create a precious keepsake. To remember and view my older kids in the spots these younger ones now hold. The irony of being impatient with the younger one's needs while I worked on memories of the same times with the older ones was not lost on me. And I was very sad/upset when it was all for not.
I was likewise disheartened and happy that I am on a gerbil wheel. The same pictures of flour covered children, playing, and meals were in that year. Although it was different children with some different special times like the re-assembling of a combine here on the farm brought from Illinois, mostly, life is the same. Although I was much more idealistic back then, I've all but given up on ideals and am deep in reality here. I am thankful the kids seem to still be loving each other and having semi-happy childhoods. There is plenty of crying here to make it far from perfect.
We also re-enter and exit phases. Bruce is in the boots phase. He won't take them off for anything. Which means he should be potty trained for easier taking care of himself but he says no to that too. I think I missed the easy window this may teach me some lessons I will wish I didn't have to learn.
But in the throes of constantly repeating I am thankful to have the experience and get to know each child in our home complete with quirks, challenges, and amazingness. I am thankful to be able to live my life as I choose and to be entrusted with such a great work as teaching, loving, and raising these precious spirits from God. In fact bowled over completely by His trust would be more accurate and maybe why I constantly ask why me? I'm just imperfect me. Nonetheless, this is the life I am living because I have honestly sought to do His will, not mine. Thus we begin potty training again, and continue to wear a child or 4 all day long and snuggle with one all night so she will sleep. What great complaints to have lots of love and attention. I am blessed and need to remember and allow myself to feel so instead of the otherside. Merry Christmas!
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