Livy demanded we make butterfly cookies after loading cows. She was adamant that we make them butterfly shapes and no other. Thankfully grandma had this shape so we could make this happen.
I'm still learning Livy. What makes her happy, compliant, and confident. It worries me that so many of her pictures she is being restrained and looks uncomfortable. It makes me crazy all the messes and chaos she creates. I let her vacuum yesterday at her insistence and she burned through a belt when she refused to turn the vacuum off after sucking up a sock. My hands were full and I couldn't run to stop it. We had thoroughly picked up the big room but she had veered into another room full of un-known dangerous items to the powerful vacuum head. I think that may be it, she pushes past the bounds I set for her then we have trouble. That or I'm too distracted to keep up with her. I need to focus more. That's the conundrum of life currently where to focus. or how to to get all the things done that need to. However a friend last night wisely counseled just let it go, stop worrying about things not needing your attention!
As I look at the pictures I realize the project did happen. No I was not patient and long suffering in letting them do it all. And I realize we need to work in a different area where there is more space for us all to be involved. We will try again and eventually I will figure these two helpers out. I have to remember that my most challenging children have been so because they are the most independent. They want to do big things NOW, and they want to do it Their way, and I want to do big things NOW and I want to do it MY way. Ahh the reflection of ourselves in creations we made.
It was fun to share the cookies with lovely ladies in my ward that evening. It caused reflection on the reality of the project, to hear their appreciation for the kind treat from a three year old. It was heartwarming to hear her tell her older sister she had made butterfly cookies that day. I've come to the place that I think the power struggles are worth the frustration and disappointment in myself as a not perfect mother.
Life in other people's homes is not what is happening at my house. From crying baby (90% of the day, she's been sick) to busy toddlers (who also vary between crying to happy screams) to independent 5 year old (who induces much of the noise from the others), to big kids with various personalities (who don't talk enough so then I worry what's going on with them? or they are boistrous then I go crazy because I can't hear them all at once and the noise level is just numbing!) it's just a different team.
Realizing and giving worth to our efforts to love, live, and last need to be more generously given by me the mom and master architect of where we are going. Yes I lost my cool and more than once wondered why I had chosen to this instead of proceeding with dinner? but it was ok. I have lots to work on. I'm not sure how we ever get to perfection but I guess we just keep trying and fixing what we can as we ponder what went wrong and right and how to make the experience better. Ahh glorious living! It is a gift that I hope I'm making the most of.
Best to you today.
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