A friend commented how great everything looks on blogs and how neat it is that I have undertaken this endeavor to capture my family life. It comes with a cost. Blogs are such a small picture of the real life that is behind them. The crying babies who are teething, the wrestling jumping toddlers munching crackers and cereal on your freshly made bed, or drawing with their sister's make-up all over the basement walls are the activity behind the words.
Life is real and it is messy a lot of the time. It is not happy or pleasant, it is work and it is tedious. My question for conference was how can I find more joy in motherhood? Meaning how can I not be exhausted and grouchy and short all the time with my deaf children who never come when I call, who hide in the dark recesses of their rooms and who walk away as I ask them to do their chores repeatedly (and I have 8 who do this! How can I love this job more and not yearn to be anywhere else- like college doing something I want to do? Why does it have to be so messy and so much on me to make it better?
Well the answer came in many talks- pray more, center my life more on the important things- blogging possibly isn't one of those or reading other blogs. And finally it's my choice to be happy or miserable. So with all of the realities and responsibilities I chose how I handle it. Feeling like an indentured servant to my husband or feeling glad I can have children, and happy they are healthy and determined. Thankful we have so much and challenged to make life inspiring, organized, and beautiful for those same people. Also reveling in my blessing of having so much love and life constantly swirling around me. I am never lonely and rarely bored. So it's my choice how I live this life I have chosen. Thus my attempt to record happy, funny, accomplishments of our family.
I'm sure if I gave you a rundown of the in-betweens and the majority of the holding, correcting, coercing, hollering and giving-up that happens here you would be amazed we have any successes. But we do. I loved Elder Holland's counsel that God loves us when we keep trying even if we don't get far that we just keep trying. That's motherhood and life here we keep trying to make progress and do better. How thankful I am for that opportunity and that challenge as daunting as it daily is.
So no need to measure our smiley faces by your real house. I only write sporadically because I have to come to that smiley face place in my mind. I often skip weeks because I'm too much in the mire of the real that is here. But I'm working daily to listen to the truths I've listed, to be grateful and see the good, to trust in God and His Care for this SUPER STUBBORN family we have created and to live in His Light. My best to you. Please remember if you are feeling overwhelmed with the burdens you carry they are most likely not true reflections of the blessings God has given, but Satan warping the good to be bad. Truth is hard to discern but through prayer and faith I have found the help I needed to realize the difference. My best to you today.
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