Part of 2020 is letting our oldest daughter grow up. She graduated and is planning to leave our home. This is really hard for me. These girls are not sad just making plans for who gets Anna's stuff etc. I realized that while she is leaving there are quiet a few here who are just growing and not having real expectations from me. I realized I've got to get on the ball training them and having a good time with them too. Again back to the schedule or mostly just realizing I've got some work to do and it's not about me continuing to do most of the home stuff which I haven't been successful with everyone home and new baby but teaching these kiddos how to be self-sufficient and expecting them to share the load of family life. In addition to all this heavy stuff I need to schedule more read daily one on one time with them doing what they like. Prevention and planning is way better than yelling and frustrated tolerating kids. This day Bruce and I played Legos. The other kids joined in we had a great time.
Another good thing salad in a jar. These can be prepared en masse to wait in the fridge until needed. Salad for lunch is good for the waistline but a hassle to prepare everyday. Voila!
A nice healthy salad. And the ingredients didn't just wilt and mold in my fridge because I lacked time and desire to put them together.
For too long I've been thinking I was a failure and a mess. All the negative self talk was not helping. I didn't want to go anywhere or talk to anyone or be seen. The quarantine gave lots of reason for that but it was not a good place to be. I realized after a particularly dumb encounter with some of Aliza's classmates i had to stop beating myself up because it was really harming who I wanted and need to be. And after coaching Millie and Livy through their fears of swimming I realized I too needed some thinking adjustment to survive this mothering experience.
Now I haven't figured out things to repeat, but I have started singing more -read 1-3x a week with my family and working to read my scriptures personally everyday. For some reason it is hard to keep those things going they fall by the wayside so easily. We read last night that this life is a time to prepare to meet God and that we need to labor each day. So I'm working on all of that in small pieces. Today I feel tremendously relieved of so much family burden from just sharing the work and writing it down. Mark was surprised reading was on his responsibility list. Additionally Addie and Mark are working on a Spanish instruction program. Play needs to go on some lists. Making time to do what matters most is so important and has been lost for too long here. But my biggest take away from this current self-help journey is I was doing a lot the hard way! I'm so excited to see what we can become with some helpful tools in place.
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