1.16.19 Some days

This guy gives me hope. As I continually re-teach lessons here and live through the literal and figurative seasons of life Harold's love for me and his abilities and choices give me hope. He is stubborn, sneaky, determined, and active. Being a novice I thought we could iron some of that out. Ha- little did I understand of eternal spirits or personalities. Some of the rough edges have been smoothed, meaning I've mellowed and got more distracted by more bodies, and I've learned a tiny bit.

This lady has always loved to dress up and is very fastidious about how life should be. She always has been. She likes to be right, to be happily viewed and to make others happy. As she has gotten older that looks like the details of projects, me editing her papers, red lipstick or eyeliner to help her get into character. Here we are working on false eye-lashes for the upcoming Lucille Ball presentation. It's fun to dress up. It's more satisfying to laugh and smile with her. Again I'm learning a little bit each year.

And this guy is just starting out. He is precocious he is sweet he is strong he is mechanical. He filled my toilet yesterday with plastic spoons, napkins, drill bit, carrot, and some other not flushable stuff. After many tries plunging in the midst of trying to get out the door to get the other kids. I gave up. Later I tried to snake the toilet no luck.

I firmly instructed all to not use the toilet. I had bailed it already and was hoping to let it rest until a more creative stronger dad got home to tackle the mess. ... we almost made it but. Greg came home and used the wet dry vac to suck out the remaining water and then the globs that were causing the problem. Some of the bigger stuff I could see so I removed earlier. In the middle of lots of data processing house repairs really knock me out. We had a not nice evening.
In the process of cleaning water got outside the vacuum so Harold and GReg beach/cleaned the entire bathroom it looks great! I felt helpless and inept. I told Greg our house would be better cared fro if I worked and he stayed home. I woke in the night realizing the blessings of guardian angels and with deep remorse for my parenting the night before. I could not wait for morning to come because I truly wished a mountain would have dropped on me. Yet as I prayed and repented and waited  for the child to wake so I could apologize, I came to feel some forgiveness. Sleep is a great band-aid and soul wracking prayer can call sleep onto my frenzied mind.
Sometimes life is just too much. I cannot and do not run away, although maybe I should. Life continues to get busier, more expensive, harder to manage and all in all overwhelming. Yet through it all comes sweet reassurances of God that it's gonna be okay and this too shall pass.
The child did not remember anything from the night before until I reminded them. The toilet is working perfectly if not better than before. The bathroom is a delightfully clean room- it's my favorite to deep clean too because it is small! And today I'm determined to do better.
The kids above give me hope that though I have a long road to walk with this Mr. Moose we will make it and it will be good. As I sat next to Harold last night discussing a family trip and a merit badge concerning money I felt his love and acceptance of me as his mother, that spoke volumes to my troubled mind.
Life is real and life really keeps moving. Good to bad, catastrophe to peace it keeps on going. Today I am thankful for guardian angels, forgiveness and the tenacity of my spouse. 
He sticks to jobs and our marriage with resolve and determination. It is a humbling comfort to watch him work and to share life with him.